BDSM the top and bottom of it…….
BDSM the "top and bottom of it" I quote "allows you to be fully present and aware of your whole self in that moment. To play this role out methodically in a safe and consensual way with boundaries"
Begs the question doesn't it: Is there something fundamentally wrong in how society perceives this subject? Would you tell the truth about how you really feel if asked to give a totally and honest response to BDSM? Or is there something just lurking in the shadows of your subconscious mind that only you should know about?
Would that thought be deemed inappropriate, not normal, shocking to your friends, family, colleagues and the person that cleans your windows?
What if I told you that every single human being has had thoughts at some point during their lives that belong in that dark place that no body is willing to discuss.
Maybe not the same thought but something is going on in everybody's heads that only they are privy too. From being children and force fed the fairy tale role of the Princess who needs her Prince, sometimes those story's may be a little dark in places but always end with a fluffy bunny, rainbows and unicorns. Remember that these tails were originally grim stories of what could happen to children if they stepped out of line. The Grandma was eaten by a wolf, the wolf was stalking a little girl in the woods. The Ginger Bread house had an old psychotic woman who cooks children alive and eats them! pretty weird stuff huh but totally acceptable, finally last but not the least my favourite. Alice in Wonderland with the magical and fantastic fictional world that we all love and wish we could be a part of how far do you want this rabbit hole to go?
What I ask is your truth. What are your real deep desires? how are you going to express them? Who can you share them with? Ahh what is that I hear you say you're not going to express any of this stuff that is embedded deep inside of you because it is not sociably acceptable?
Firstly, what is pain? How would you define pain? Pain can come in a variety of ways if its consensual why not, but if non-agreed or consensual real emotional or physical pain is a violation. When we enter a world of BDSM pain takes on a whole new meaning a different sensation for each individual and pain can become pleasure but it can also become the route to highs which cannily be reached by taking illegal substances but without the illegal substances now thats something worth talking about….
I could argue that a dominatrix never delivers pain only pleasure Why? Because the bearer has asked for that specific pain to be delivered in a consensual and safe environment because that is their own personal kink or desire.
So, there it is right there what they receive as their pain may be out of bounds for you and I but for others is pure unadulterated pleasure.
So, that explained let's play BDSM relationships versus vanilla relationships for a moment. The basis of a BDSM relationship involves:
Set boundaries, discussion, communication, trust, understanding, awareness, care, maintenance, Observation and a beauty in loyalty and openness which eliminates fear, rejection, and the ego. BDSM relationships are free from emotional blackmail or manipulation by either party they involve mutual respect, integrity responsibility. They demonstrate ongoing commitment to mutual growth. Allowing our shadow self to become a constructive part of the relationship in all its glory and all its mischief.
Giving the relationship credence, vitality, creativity and enhancing experiences because it is limitless and for ever evolving within its boundaries and expectations. What most people shun we explore take on a journey an adventure and rejoice in doing so. All valid indicators of a positive main stream relationship.
A vanilla relationship usually starts in exactly the same with exactly the same intentions. But how many people do you actually know that are blissfully content and happy even only after a few years together? How many times do we witness our friends /siblings/parents/ourselves being so utterly in despair and obviously frustrated within their relationships. How many times have you had a conversation with your best friend that he did she did saga of complete misery because they didn’t do the shopping or bring the washing in or made the tea or ironed a shirt? This list is endless. Let alone the subject of sex. At this point the contract has been broken and without maintenance, communication and understanding it will continue on this destructive cycle. Putting on a brace face, false interpretation of your true selves, looking wonderful on social media, wondering how you actually ended up in that space, what exactly happened? Simply your needs and desires were no longer being met. You are repressing your true selves deeper into your shadow and not allowing you true desires to flourish, and neglecting to feed the little monster inside.
Take a moment and I will ask you a few simple questions. Do you have a healthy communication process that includes clear boundaries and consent? Do you express your desires most needed to be met without fear, guilt, shame or regret? Most people really struggle to really ask for what they want and be true to themselves for fear of shame, guilt and ridicule and this to me is a fundamental problem I see time and time again.
So this then begs the question what is the shadow and how we work with it. I am going to ask you to take three deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Ok well done, now relax your mind….
it's just me and you now. Reach in and find your deepest darkest sensual desire, forget if its socially acceptable or what the neighbours, friends in the pub or dog would say, be true to yourself and bring it forward in your mind. Keep your focus and hold it there. Don't let go….
Enjoy this moment. Now speak it out loud. Take three more deep breaths.
How did that feel? nice, sensual, sexual, arousing bad, shameful, provocative, dirty Or do you feel liberated for all the above to have finally brought it out in the open. Now imagine an environment where you are allowed emotionally, physically, and spiritually to explore these feelings. To be able to delve into this world of scenarios, role play, magic and fantasy and most of all as an adult just play. We tend to forget when we 'grow up'. how to play and this in itself brings shuts down the imagination and suppresses our playfulness and all this rolled together brings the false interpretation of yourself be all yourself.
So i invite you to open your mind to erotic thoughts and content and allow in a little playfulness and most of all allow them desires to rise and a sense of exploration and see where your desires lead you as after all the life we live and the things we do are a representation of our mind so lets embrace it fully.
Kristina J - Escort and Erotic Art temptress xx
