In order for sexual arousal to take place we need to feel psychologically safe..
This statement brings me onto trust and the importance of trust in sexual liaisons. With trust been at the heart of that statement I wanted to talk a little about two way trust and how and why it is important to enhancing the quality of our sexual encounters.
When we are in our sexual arousal we are at our most vulnerable and in order to fully step into arousal we also must step into our vulnerability. Being naked you are in a position with nothing to hide behind and it is important that you trust the person you are getting naked with to honour and respect your body and mind. It takes courage to take our clothes of and show our bodies to other and trust that the person you are showing your body to will treat you with respect.
On one of my courses we all were invited to stand in a circle and take off our clothes and all be naked and witness and be witnessed by others in our nakedness. In order for this to happen we l had to feel safe. safe from judgement, safe from being criticised, safe rom been compared to others. For me it was easy I have done a lot of work with my body and overcoming any body shame but for others it was not easy and this is where being psychologically safe is of such importance.
When we are in sexual arousal we are showing a part of ourselves that is usually hidden from the world it is place that we are not often seen by others and in our arousal we can be vulnerable to being hurt, ridiculed and rejected so it is important to feel safe enough though trust to step into our arousal.
I work hard to establish trust in my professional relationships as I understand the need for trust to be in place. We are after all two strangers meeting for sexual encounters never is there more importance on physical and psychological safety. Thats why I work so hard to create a safe place where you can come to keeping it discreet and welcoming immediately starts to create psychological safety which builds trust. As you are greeted at the door by the woman in the pictures on the website you immediately begin to feel a little more safe and feel more trusting. Stepping inside my clean house that is warm and welcoming and being met with a woman who is confident are the first steps to building trust, realising that once inside it is an oasis no one can see in and it is totally private helps you relax into trusting me. I on the other hand have also got to trust you which is one of the reasons I don’t invite anyone to my door unless we have spoken on the phone. It’s one of my first steps to establishing trust. Our very first phone call my intuition is switched on and I am asking myself if this the sort of person I want to meet? If I don’t pick up that you are trustworthy then the chances are you won’t make it to my door and likewise if you pick up I am not trustworthy you won’t come to my door.
So on that initial phone call when so much is said verbally but so much more is said intuitively. If I am spoken to in a polite and courteous manner and I speak back in the same manner then this is the very first step to establishing trust. If on the other hand you call when you are drunk, or are rude and simply hang up the phone if I say I am not available or your manner does not seem genuine I am not going to trust you. So given that in order to be sexually aroused I need to feel psychologically safe I am not going to invite any one to my door who is rude on the phone as I know that there will be no trust.
So its’ really important for both parties to establish trust, moving into the encounter I ask a series of questions about what you want from our session as a way of creating a benchmark for what we can do together. If you say you really feel like you was a sensual girlfriend experience then that is exactly where we go with our liaison. If you said you wanted a sensual GFE experience and started tying and whipping you then there is no trust. In addition you won’t feel safe and because you don’t feel safe there will be no sexual arousal. So while go on about consent the importance of the consent is to build trust and I will only go as far as you want to go and no further. Another example if you said you wanted to try anal play as you were curious about it, I am not going to get my biggest strap on out and go for it, as this is likely to make you feel unsafe not to mention to be a very unpleasant experience. I am going to go slowly and steadily with my finger first before checking in to see if you wish move onto a small strap on. I am also going to check in with you as to how you are feeling and ask if you want to go further or not. I am going to honour your requests of more or enough and ask timely questions to make sure you are able to communicate your request all of this builds trust. Jut imagine asking someone not to do something and they carried on trying to do it would you trust this person? I know I wouldn’t and as we are have already established in order to be sexually turned on you need to feel psychologically safe.
Moving onto exploring erotic play trust is fundamental to allow you to feel safe enough to fully explore with the other person and it critically essential that there is a two way trust, a trust that we can both communicate our boundaries, a trust that both parties requests will be heard and acted on and trust to push that little bit further knowing that at anytime either party can pull back. This is why I like two way communication in some play scenes and also why I may tread sometimes with caution unless I know the person well.. For me being the person responsible for creating the erotic play I have to have trust that the other party can communicate their boundaries effectively and also they can ask for what they want. I have a series of questions and conversations that make navigating this appear seamless and very natural. If I am in a play session where someone if struggling to communicate then I have no choice but to pull back and play on the side of caution. If on the other hand I know the person well I will push the boundaries as much as I can but in order for trust to be maintained I am relying on my intuition not to overstep the limits and damage that trust. So it is important that I give you the empowerment to say no in any moment and honour your stated boundaries.
I did a really interesting exercise on boundaries a few years ago, in fact it was one of them expertises that was life changing and I still do use today to demonstrate boundaries. Basically I was in the middle of a physical boundary on the floor and there was someone trying every verbal method possible to get into the circle. I noticed how hard it was to maintain a boundary when faced with someones persistent manipulation to get into the space. When I was on the outside of the boundary I noticed what tactics I used to try and get the person to change their mind and let me in. This was a huge lessons in learning about myself when I was being rejected out of the space but also demonstrated the need to respect another persons no and to not take it personally. This was key that not taking someones no personally. that learning really opened the door on fully respecting another person and especially valuable in sexual encounters.
So I reman committed to making sure that everything I do makes you feel safe as I really understand the importance of being safe and how feeling safe enables you to relax and let go into exploring your sexual desires and become aroused. Everything I do from my website and online to presence to our encounter is done to make you feel safe. Giving you as much information as possible about me as a sex worker and professional escort, wiling to answer any questions when we meet and going out of my way to create a safe, discreet and though provoking play space for you to relax in. Making you feel welcome and valued as a fellow human with sexual needs and opening up two way conversations to hep you feel comfortable about speaking about your true sexual desire s and being fully heard and met in them desires if they are within my own limitations.
Going the extra mile on the understanding that in order for sexual arousal to be possible you need to feel psychologically safe.
Kristina J - Huddersfield Escort, Sensual Seductress and professional play mate…