Kristina-J Escort in Huddersfield Blog Posts

Shame free Sex

Posted April 02 2020

Following on my blog - Framing your erotic journey I wanted to share some thoughts and musings on the self limitations that many face when exploring our erotic potential.

Speaking form my experience and my journey..

We have all received negative messages about sex from ex lovers, friends, family, TV and the media. I spoke recently on a blog of some of the names I have been called over the years. If I had let this effect me there is no way I would have been able to explore my full sexual potential. From my experience I just let it wash over me with the thought that’s your perspective, and while you are entitled to your opinion it does not effect me. We are also surrounded by our own self of beliefs and defences we have created as a result of our experiences in life.

I will speak about my journey and how I released these limitations and gave myself permission to explore my sexual landscape. In order to achieve sexual mastery I needed to de value the negative messages I had received over the years. I am very lucky that I grew up with parents who were older but also who were open minded about sex. I never received the message it was bad although on some conversations with my Mum over the years when I have told her about some of my BDSM activities she has told me that I really should not kick any n the balls unless it is self defence. When my Mum first found out I was escorting courtesy of my ex partner, she laughed and said, wellI have a book on erotic massage if you would like it. I feel privileged to have had a positive influence around sexuality and to be encouraged to speak openly about it. That grounding has stood in a good stead for been self aware of myself. The issues came from destructive relationships where there were years of internalised voices telling me what to do and what not to do. I therefore had a lot of baggage to clear out which takes time and patience and repetition of self affirmations. Its a simple phrase like - you like sex so you must be a slag, or no one will ever love you because you are a slag, or you like sex so you must be a pervert.. These comments said in an instant can create years of self limiting beliefs.

It takes courage, I had to learn to replace these negative messages and stand up to the critical and self judgemental voice in my head. It took courage to allow myself to go ahead an explore even though back in the days of learning about my sexuality I was afraid. I will write soon about my very first encounter in a swinging club and how that gave me to courage to explore further. Confronting our negative thought process about sex isn’t easy but in slow steady steps it can be overcome and you can set yourself free of the limitations your mind places on you. I have heard over the years from so many people that want to come and see me, make an appointment then cancel it with a confession of self limiting thoughts. These are the brave ones that are admitting the limiting thoughts that cross their mind. I have had more cancel with a weak excuse as they can not even face there own self limitations. So have the power to practice courage as the more you use it the stronger and bolder your courage becomes.

I have spoke many times about giving yourself permission to explore your own erotic landscape whatever it may be. We have many ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ that stand in our way of enjoyment and fulfilment, it is important to look inside and give yourself permission to play. We are taught to look outside ourselves for permission but let’s turn that around and stop looking at authorities, parents, religious institutions for permission let’s look at our selves and ask ourselves what we really want. Now just to be clear we do all need to stay with in laws and rules but when it comes to consensual sexual expression let’s allow ourselves the permission to explore and be our own authority not play out the authority of others beliefs and thoughts.

There is a saying that I say to myself when I am struggling with the inner voices in my head holding me back. It goes along the lines of this..

I can spend all day walking around the swimming pool watching everyone else enjoying them selves in the pool but to enjoy myself I must have the courage and give myself permission to get in. Do I want to spend my life watching and wishing or do I want to spend my life enjoying and doing and even if I fuck up its ok. It is better to have had the courage to dive in and fuck up than to sit on the side wondering… So I give myself to permission to join in and I have the courage to allow myself to fuck up. Experience tells me that one out of ten times I won’t fuck up and I will be glad I did something and even if I won’t do it again I will have had the experience and that’s the journey of life….

Any pressing questions and thoughts as always I am happy to discuss them..

Remember you are exactly the person you were meant to be allow yourself to be that person and we are all sexual beings it’s perfectly normal and healthy to like sex.

Shame, fear and guilt are the three drivers of control break the barriers and allow the freedom.

Next blog is about my very first visit to a swingers club and my internal battle of am I allowed to do this and the excuses I made looking back they are laughable now but at the time they were my own limitations and defences…..

Kisses Kristina J - Huddersfield Escort