The Pennine way my experience
I know some of you have being following my Pennine Way walk and some of you even donated to mind so thank you to all of those who have donated to Mind. Thank you to all those who have donated it is much appreciated. Also thank you to those who walked with me your support wan greatly received and really made a difference to getting me though this challenge.
270 miles across some very remote terrain. I saw everything from remote moors with not another person in sight, river crossings, climbing up the side of waterfalls, green fields to bogs – I ended up in one or two... Sheep, sheep and more sheep the odd cow and a few horses.
The walk brought many challenges from the physical of covering 18 miles plus a day to the mental am I good enough. The first day was probably one of the hardest with my body and mind adjusting to the challenge ahead. It was a tough walk over kinder low and down into Torside. I felt pretty wrecked after it and remember sitting getting my meal with a banging headache, getting into bed that night I started to shake uncontrollably and after a quick chat with my nutritionist I was advised to take more electrolytes in which as soon as I did the shaking stopped. Day two smashed me I spent most of the day in tears the challenge was too big, the weather was awful and there was no way I was good enough. After day two I was very ready to go home. Sitting in the pub feeling very sorry for myself having my dinner and another cry before heading to bed. Day three came and a daunting walk from Diggle to Hebden Bridge loomed. Pulling myself together I headed out overcoming the voice in my head that kept telling me I should go home, I am way too stubborn to quit.
What was beginning to hit me was this was not just a physical walk it was a process of overcoming the mental blocks that this walk was throwing at me. The physical challenge was becoming manageable it was the mental challenge of focusing on each day and learning to take it as it comes. Learning to relax into the experience and noticing my weakness of impatience that kept showing up. Learning to overcome my impatience and listen to my body. Dropping into some breathing techniques to keep my focused and keep my body going even when it was tired.
Then day four the day where I really struggled. For them who do not know I have had a cough since my second covid jab and this cough had been getting worse while I had been walking. At the end of day three I had developed breathing problems and I could not get my full breath. I persevered with day four, but I was really struggling and almost gasping for air. I had been fortunate enough to get my hands on some inhalers, so I was using them when I needed them. I decided that I needed to see a doctor as if I continued how I was there was no way I was going to finish the walk. Day five was a trip to the doctors and I was diagnosed with exercise induced asthma, given some steroids and inhalers and told to take it easy. Now it would have been very easy to end my Pennine way walk here, the perfect excuse had come up, but guess what. No way I am far to stubborn, and failure or quitting is not an option. Getting my boots back on I carried on day after day of walking I walked so much I get sick of walking, but I kept going as I believed in myself despite all my setbacks and voices in my head that said I was not good enough. Battling on I was determined to finish, and I certainly was not going to be held back by my thoughts when I knew my body was capable.
Along the way I met many fellow walkers on the Pennine way and it was great to hear their tales and hook up with them as we leap frogged each other. It began to feel like a community with the same the goal which was lovely. I then started to fall in love with the walk and as I reached the highlight of the walk High Cup Nick I was on cloud nine and loving it. That did not last long as after a highlight comes a smash of Cross Fell what an absolute bitch of a day that was. If someone gave me a choice of Cross Fell or Ben Nevis I would choose Ben Nevis any day. It’s a bitch its long and its hard even as an experienced walker I struggled, but did I quit no. I knew after Cross Fell it was all downhill although not literally. The moment I arrived in Northumberland it was like someone had injected me with rocket fuel. The steroids and the inhalers were working now and I was back on form smashing it and walking at capacity. I think my top speed was four miles an hour down hill. Firmly set on completing this god damn walk nothing would stop me now.
So what did I learn?
Don’t listen to the voices in your head that hold you back if I had done that I would not have made it past day 2 and missed the experience. I see this so many times in my line of work with people getting cold feet or being held back from exploring their full potential because they are listening to the voices in their heads that hold them back. Honestly you will only ever miss the experience if you do this sometimes you just have to go for it don’t hold yourself back on thoughts that are based on untruths.
My thought of I am not good enough, I am not fit enough I have learned is based on untruths. The voice of the inner critic the one who does not want me to succeed and who validates my failure. To that voice and thought processes I say a big loud fuck off as I refuse to be controlled by my own negative beliefs and not experience life to the fullest.
On a softer note, I also had reaffirmed to me the need for self-care, especially when I am pushing myself to the maximum, pushing my body and mind hard. In order to do that I had to seek medical care when I needed it. I had to make sure I rested, I had to focus on what I was doing, I had to tend my feet when they got blisters. I had to ask for what I needed from myself when I needed it, I had to make sure I ate properly and maintained my weight which is a huge challenge on this type of walk. I had to stop when I needed to. I had to say no to other things so I could focus on the walk.
I came to realize that I do the exact same when I am working, push myself to the maximum. Making sure I am there for others. A basic teaching is to be there in full presence for others I must first take care of myself. This walk highlighted this to me time and time again. If I did not look after my feet, I would not be able to walk, if I did not get adequate rest, I am too tired to walk and then that also effects my mental capacity and I start getting fed up or not being able to cope emotionally with the mental requirements of the walk. If I don’t eat the right food and get the right balance my body starts to shake and that effects my walking ability. To put it simply everything needs to be in moderation and the right balance needed to be found in order to be successful. I came to realize there is massive difference between free time and availability. In order to be fully available and in full presence I need free time. Such as simple concept now is the time to put this into practice. If I am to continue doing the work I, do I need to be more disciplined with this. So right now, I feel I need more of a balance especially as I get more and more involved with other facilitation work away from escorting and sex work. From January my working time will be two weeks available two weeks free time for me to pursue my other interests and my teaching work which is beginning to take off. I also want to dive much deeper into shadow integration work and to put it simply this is the hardest most demanding personal development work anyone will ever do; it is however the most propound work I have ever done and that is going to require free time. In my free time I won't be available but when I am available, I will be fully available and in full presence offering conscious connected erotic liaisons with them that want quality time with a sensual lady. Sounds good to me....
Kisses Kristina J Huddersfield Escort xx