Gender differences in exploring erotic play
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Gender differences in exploring erotic play

I have been reading about gender differences in in sexual fantasies and role play. The general assumption based on our culture is that women are the desired and men are the desirers

Which means women generally are done to while men are the doers. This is just a general assumption and I want to point out that this is not always the case. I will highlight this though with example of looking for pictures of dominance ad submission on the internet on google images search, the majority of images that come up show the image of women being dominated by men. I rember a few years ago when I searching for pictures of my advent calendar I also noticed the same thing and it was more difficult to find images of men submitting to women. Male dominance / female submission is a theme that is embedded in our culture and as a result in our minds. For example if we look at pornogrpahy, fashion trends, advertising, sitcoms, movies, comics, or novels it is more likely that women will be portrayed as the object of the male desires. I admit that times are moving on and attitudes are changing and that is a positive thing as there are so many diverse ways of engaging in relationships and sexual liaisons now and hope fully this portray of male dominance female submission will change and we will see more gender neutral images and same sex images over time. Any way back to the point of this blog, the sexual drive for a lot of women is that they are able to attract and hold a mans attention rather than asserting an active desire of their own which again shows up the male dominance female submission theory.

The thing that really fascinates me and what I love about about what I do and get very curious about is that many men I see have fantasies that are the exact opposite of the cultural perception with a high percentage of my lovely visitors having fantasies and role play scenarios around being forced or coerced or even punished by me into sexual activities. So with this in mind it says to me that men also want exactly what women want and that is to let go of control and power and be done to sexual rather than to be the doers. Some men simply crave a woman to take control and take away their will and power. I do love power exchange play, I have to say it does turn me on, I also love taking the lead in GFE scenarios its not all about dominance but also about initiation and having a woman taking the initiative can be sexually liberating for a man.

The element of me tieing a man up in rope or strapping him to my bed and using him for my pleasures is an highly erotically charged fantasy for a lot of men. The thought of being taken out of control or led by a seductive female into an illicit liaison is both exciting and thrilling, In my experience female led dominance and sexual leadership is such a twist of social norms and it is this twist that leads to sexual excitement as a man is finally be able to let go and surrender into being done to releasing all the responsibilities that he may be holding on to. Even the associations with the image of female power such as spiked heels tight corsets, leather or latex can be sexually arousing for men and also to woman as well. I must admit I also find the image of a powerful woman erotically arousing.

I really do resonate with female dominance sexual roles, and that can be anything from simply taking the lead in a GFE scenario right through to intense BDSM. I know and understand the image is attractive to men but also that's not the only reason. I happen to enjoy being in charge sexually. However what I really love about it is it challenges the perceived cultural norms and I have always been a bit of rebel. It also brings a sense of power and there is nothing I like better than seeing a man reduced to desperately begging quivering wreck on my bed. But then again I also like to do the same to women as well, so with me its asserting sexual power over the other person where I get the sexual kicks, and that can be anything from gentle persuading sexual coercion to intense play.

This brings me on to the challenges that arrises when you playing out roles that contradict social and cultural norms. Men are not supposed to be taken by force and woman are not supposed to be the takers. When I listen to group of guys chatting in the pub, or an a bus, train or wherever I usually just love to sit and listen to their chat its not likely you will hear one say to another, I got fucked up the arse today by a 6ft tall blonde, or she dressed me in womens lingerie and made me suck her cock. You are not likely to even hear to pinned me down and fucked me till I could not take it any more then made me beg for it. So I tend to sit and listen and smile as I hear all about how the men were giving her one (i.e doing to the female and the female was bing done to), how she was gagging for it and how all the other guys celebrate this triumph of masculinity. It is therefore no surprise that I often hear sentences like, I like anal sex but I am not gay, or questions like if I like receiving anal sex does that make me gay? Or I would love to dress in womens lingerie but I don't want you think I am gay. I just want to give some reassurance here with this one important sentence, there is no intrinsic relationship between sexual orientation and dominance and submission. That is so important I will say it again - There is no intrinsic relationship between sexual orientation and dominance and submission.

So if you have a desire to play outside the cultural gender norms then go for it, it is ok and I am certainly not going to judge or label you for anything you choose to do or don't choose to do the main thing for me is that you are in choice and you feel safe to explore. It is only when we explore that we learn and experience and the only way to know if you will like something or not is to allow yourself to experience it.

One other thing I come across in regards to female led dominance and male submission this statement by some of my lovely visitors, 'I could never explore this with my partner.' This is one of the key reasons why so many men choose to visit ladies like myself is so they can experience male submission and female dominance.

This brings me onto the question, why don't men explore with their partner and why visit me? One of the simple answers is it comes down to judgements within the relationship and what one party thinks the other party will think of them as well as complacency hinting sexual relationships in a relationship. Not to mention the natural decline of sexual interest in some long term relationships which I could go into now but I will save that for another blog. Ontop of this there is quite often a connection between a persons physical size and strength and power roles in sexual play. It is therefore no surprise at 6ft tall and pretty strong that I get asked so many times for fantasy role play scenarios that challenge the perceived cultural norms of gender.

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